Shanghai | 10 Reasons Shanghai Summers Suck

We can safely say that Chinese weather patterns are pretty awesome in general, but of all the Middle Kingdom’s cities Shanghai probably gets the worse deal. It’s summer, but not as you know it. Read on for the top 10 reasons why spending the summer in Shanghai sucks.

It’s seriously hot

Yes, summer is supposed be hot – that’s the whole point. But the days upon days of relentless 30°C weather in Shanghai is like taking a long-haul vacay with Satan. The remedy? It’s hard to avoid, though a cold glass of white wine will probably help take the edge off the infernal heat of the Chinese summer.

Didi blackout

You’ve just become well acquainted with the English Didi app – hooray! Who needs Uber anyway? That is, until you realize that there’s a taxi blackout at peak times throughout the summer.

Why? Because in this godforsaken town we have to contend with both epically thunderous downpours and oppressive heat with real-feel well into the 40s, which means every time you call upon Didi you’re doing battle with around 28 million Shanghaiers.

Outside seating

Oh sweet fools, one simply does not turn up to the restaurant without an appointment! Dreaming of dinner al fresco tonight? Sorry, you should have booked a month in advance.

Go home, crank up the AC and have a glass of wine instead.

IKEA

In need of new bedding or replacement pots and pans? Thinking of popping over to IKEA this Saturday? You’re making a mistake of epic proportions.

IKEA is dreadful on any given day, but on a summer weekend you’ll be contending with droves of shoppers sheltering from hellfire temperatures lounging, fanning, sleeping, and panting on absolutely every piece of display furniture in the joint. Want to test a mattress? It’ll be a duel to the death!

Crowded pools

If you’re an avid swimmer then you ought to find a new hobby during the summer. Like a caterpillar turning in to a graceful butterfly, Shanghaiers quickly transform into serious semi-professional water babies in the heat, flocking to any available swimming pool in their droves.

Kiss goodbye to casual lane swimming, this summer because a trip to the pool is more like a scene from Where’s Wally/Waldo. Get a bike, or something healthy like that.

Humidity

As if spiraling heat waves weren’t enough to contend with, the heavy humidity of the Shanghai summer is veritable festival of sticky clothes, damp bedding and smells you can’t quite identify in places you’d never quite expect.

You’re hot then you’re cold

Remember when your parents told you to never fall asleep with the air conditioner running cold? Well, now you know why.

One wine-fueled evening is all it takes to have you passed out in your strictly temperature controlled apartment, waking up hours later in swirling arctic winds to ensure none of your precious extremities have succumbed to frost bite during the night.

Bye bye Barolo

The summer heat is the enemy of the established wine drinker with ambient temperatures wreaking havoc with what should be perfectly controlled red and white wines.

Solution? Either get your booze delivered to the air-conditioned haven that is your apartment or neck every glass before it reaches 36°C – we’d advise the first option. Stay classy Shanghai.

Teachers on vacay

We love our teacher friends, we really do – they’re educating the next generation, and that is seriously admirable.

What we do not love is their daily jealousy-inducing wish-you-were-here-but-not-really uploads from the beach in Bali on their month long vacations as we sweat away at our desks until home time. Send us a postcard, damn it.

Murderous mozzies

We may not enjoy the sticky summer heat, but the city’s gutsy and fiendishly difficult to catch mosquitoes certainly do.

These devilish creatures hibernate until the lights go out before ravishing every square-inch of available human flesh – butt cheeks included – as you lay motionless in a heat-induced coma.

Shanghai summers getting you down? Beat the heat with chilled wine and craft beer delivered instantly to wherever you’re holed up enjoying the A/C. Start ordering – download the BottlesXO app here.