There are two kinds of people in the world: the wine drinkers and the craft beer drinkers. We all love a quality drink, but how do we differ in life’s most important social situations?
The First Date
Wine Drinker
Dating a wine drinker is all about capital-C Class, particularly if that’s the strapline of his Tinder profile. That means snazzy bars with sleek black interiors and seating that won’t allow you to slouch. Expect gentle caresses of the stem of the glass, delicate and controlled sips of vino and a gentle game of footsy beneath the table if you’re lucky. He’s putting in a lot of effort to look as refined as possible, but question his long-term appeal if he starts showing off and talking about the wine’s bouquet.
Craft Beer Drinker
The beer drinker, on the other hand, will likely treat you to an altogether more relaxed affair. Think chilled out pub vibes and a hearty pint, dishing the dirt on her exes to chortles of laughter that’ll carry over the general gaiety of the beer-hall hubbub. It’s all a bit casual (absolutely fine on a first date) but remember the bloat factor – five pints down and you’ll be literally bouncing out of the bar. Do not (and we really mean do not) tell her there’s little difference between craft beers. Unless you mean to end the date swiftly, that is…
Dinner with friends
Wine Drinker
Your wine loving buddy has the uncanny ability to scan both the food menu and the wine list – “carte du vin” if they’re super pretentious (or French) – at the same. She’s in the mood for white, but she can’t find a dish on the menu to match, so she’ll take the Malbec and ‘make do’ with a steak. The Malbec arrives and, after a quick assessment, it’s deemed ‘passable’ for the few sweet minutes before she realizes the flavor profile apparently clashes with the meat’s seasoning.
Beer Drinker
Behold the craft beer drinking friend and how easy he is to please. All it takes is a short roster of drinkable beers and hearty, unpretentious fare to keep him nourished. Agonizing over food and beverage pairings isn’t his style, and he’d rather take a pizza and a hoppy craft brew over marvelously matched merlot any day.
Dislcaimer: the wrath of the craft beer lover when confronted with just Tsingtao must be avoided at all costs so as to avoid a diplomatic disaster.
The Hangover
Craft Beer Drinker
The morning rolls round after a heavy session of craft beer ‘degustation’ and your hop-loving buddy is ready for a glorious day of beer-garden brunch and productivity. Carbs and comfort foods are on the menu, and if he’s really perky, a work out at the gym in the afternoon. You’re amazed he can keep going as you swear to Bacchus you’ll never drink again.
Wine drinker
Radio silence, however, from your wine drinking friend. One glass of red quickly turned into two, two turned into a bottle and a bottle turned into outright debauchery. It’s 5pm before you receive word from her; she’s been horizontal in a darkened room for 12 hours unable to stand for fear of imminent brain implosion. That brunch you planned is completely of the cards, and you’ll be lucky if you see her again before the weekend is over.
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