Suspicious pseudo-science tells us that there are four types of drunken people but here at BottlesXO, we know that there is at least double that number. From the Cry Baby to the Narcoleptic, we outline just a few – seven kinds of drunk you’ll meet on any given night out.
Which one are you?
The Cry Baby
Usually a beacon of composure and seemingly well put together, you harbour the uncanny ability to lose your shit at the drop of the hat – right when you least expect it. Partying hard or just enjoying a few casual drinks, it’s just one simple trigger and boom – the gates of hell are open and the waterworks are pumping at full capacity. A few pats on the back and an eye-roll or two for good measure, your’re back under control. But your dignity has done a runner.
The Cage Fighter
Whether it’s an accidental nudge on the dance floor or a drunken misunderstanding in the queue for the bathroom, you’re a ticking a ticking time bomb just waiting to pounce. A few bevvies down (and it really doesn’t matter what you’re drinking) and Mr Hyde is out in full force, spoiling for a fight. Chest pounding, you’re a shameless hoodlum picking a fight with whoever or whatever gets your goat.
Happy-go-lucky regardless of your level of inebriation, it still takes just a lick of alcohol and you’re on the prowl for your new best friend. Target locked, you’ve got that WeChat contact before they’ve drained their first drink and you’ve even pencilled them in for brunch the next day. Fast-forward twelve hours and you’re wondering who in God’s name is accompanying you in hundreds of blurry shameless selfies.
You’re a classic Chatty Cathy at the best of times but a drop of booze in your veins and you’ve got a serious case of verbal diarrhoea. If there’s a joke, you’re cracking it and if there’s banter, you’re at the middle of it. If someone’s getting deep and meaningful, it’ll be you. A real motor mouth, you just love to socialise and booze – the best social lubricant there is – unleashes your inner social butterfly.
Unlike your pals, you just don’t have they staying power to keep you on your feet until sunrise. You’re starting to flag around midnight, but you keep that under wraps for the good of the squad. 1AM rolls around and your stifling yawns on the dance floor with surreptitious time checks after every couple of songs. By 2AM you’re dead behind the eyes and by 3AM it’s game over – you’re comatose in a booth at the back of the club.
You love a good night out on the town, you really do, but there comes a point where it all gets a little much. You could be anywhere, any club, having an awesome time and suddenly you’re out, you’re done, you’re gone and you’re free as a bird. Quick as a flash you’ve mumbled something like ‘bathroom’ – but could that have been ‘bedroom’? – and poof you’ve disappeared. You wake up at 3pm the following day with 17 missed calls and half eaten chow fan beside you.
The Social Justice Warrior
It’s not necessarily that you’re opinionated; it’s just that you have a lot to say – or at least that’s how you rationalize your belligerence after the fact. Somehow, any polite conversation can find its way back to a whole host of issues of social injustice no matter how slurred your speech becomes or how hazy the facts get. You thrive on intelligent interaction. You live for it. Hate the DJ? Blame it on the patriarchy.
Which one are you? There’s only one way to find out. Download the BottlesXO wine and craft beer delivery app and get high quality drinks to wherever you are in China, Hong Kong and Singapore – click here.